I’ve been on a milkshake kick lately. I’m not sure why; I’ve never really liked milkshakes before, but suddenly, I crave them all the time. Strawberry, mostly. Maybe it’s an attempt to get calories into my system. I haven’t been eating well lately.
It’s not a relapse. I can feel confident of that, though I don’t. I saw a lady last year and she said I’m fine, so it’s not a relapse. I’m not trying to get thinner (although I’m still at the point where if a magic fairy offered to take 100 lbs off me with a wave of her wand I’d accept in a heartbeat), and I’m not rejecting food intentionally, but my teeth are in poor shape and hurt me and my jaw aches from getting them fixed and food just isn’t interesting, so I don’t eat much of it.
I’m in pain a lot. Apparently I have fibromyalgia. I can’t seem to wrap my head around that. I have an incurable chronic condition. I’m going to feel like this forever: tired and sore and miserable. I guess I have to figure out how to make tired and sore not mean miserable. I don’t know how. But I don’t know how to give up either. Right now I’m just trying not to dwell too hard and instead keep moving forward.
I’ll finish Bitten soon. Probably. I don’t know how to give up on that either 🙂