Dogs and Goddesses: Chapter 17

Was my last post really the car accident? Today, I verified that all the shit I have to do as a result of the car accident is FINALLY all done. I have purchased a new vehicle, with a much better loan than the one I had; I have closed out the insurance claim, they have paid down on my loan, and I have today finally finished rounding up all the documents for the GAP insurance claim that will finish paying off the old loan. Now I just wait. Yay! To celebrate, here’s some Dogs and Goddesses.

Let’s see, where did we leave off… How many friggan chapters are there, jesus. Okay, we’re now 88% of the way through this book and probably in the home stretch at least!

OMG guys! It’s Shar! We haven’t seen her in several chapters! The rain makes her orgasm. Typical Shar.

Sam’s been hanging out with Chris, and managed to score a free car in exchange for advertising it. Apparently the guys are writing a video game, which sounds way more interesting than the actual plot of this book. Can you image a video game written by a Mesopotamian god? Me neither, but I’d fund that kickstarter! Anyway, Sam’s been going to Chris’ house every night for two weeks instead of fucking other women, which Shar decides is obviously because of her Glittery Hooha. They have sex in public in the rain on the hood of Sam’s free car.

Wow her life is special.

Apparently the dogs (three of them now, because Bikka’s hanging out with Sam) are now traumatized by watching that happen.

Ugh, back to Abby. She stops having sex with her creepy stalker man to open the coffeeshop.

“You like babies? Because I think you’re going to have a lot of them.”

OMG CREEPY GEN! EW MAKE IT GO AWAY! I get enough of that crap now that I’m married and everyone assumes babies are nigh.

Abby somehow has made tonic that is better than the temple tonic. I can’t tell if she added yeast or not, maybe it was just all the creepy sex that finished it off.

In the middle of the night, the coffee shop catches fire. I guess that’s Mina’s doing. Umma warned the other girls, and the Three of them combine their powers to put out the fire, which would be pretty cool if it wasn’t happening in such a random, unfocused, and kind of shitty romance novel. The adventure parts of this book seem to be coming to a head; the girls have decided they need to end this here, now, tonight, before the flood can happen. Noah’s banishment spell, coupled with Chris’ marking the power spots in the temple and Sam’s knowledge of the ancient ways in which the previous Three channeled their power, seem to be coming together into sort of a viable plan.

And let me tell you. This chant. Is the stupidest chant. It’s pretty teen witch 90’s movie:

You must descend
To the darkness beyond
Into the sands
Of the place without souls
Depart from us
Go where you belong
To the place of despair
We now cast you out
We abjure you by
The Great Goddess Who is Three
Now you are bound
Now you are sealed
Now you are nightmare
Now we awake

“Now you are nightmare, now we awake”, for serious, guys. For serious. I read a book when I was a tween called “T*Witches” about a pair of twins who were witches, OMG! They had similar taste; I seem to recall my favorite was “Change your ways young Jennifer Shepherd, or you will be assaulted and peppered!”

Anyway. Noah of course wants to go with them to banish Kammani, which freaks out Daisy something fierce. But of course romance heroines can’t just say they’re worried about their hero’s safety, it has to be this big unspoken fight thing where everyone’s mad for no reason. Yaaay romance.

Shar is apparently reading a totally different poem than we are:

“It reads like it’s in three parts, with a chorus after the second part. Based on what happened this morning, I think we should chant it in parts and read the chorus part together.”

Er, right, have fun with that. I guess what we got was an excerpt?

Abby doles out her tonic of whatever the hell she wanted to put in there, and it makes creepy voices whisper “One” in everyone’s head, because that’s not ominous or scary at all, nope, totally normal guys!

End of chapter! Next time: the big battle, I guess?

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2 Responses to Dogs and Goddesses: Chapter 17

  1. Firedrake says:

    Glad all the car stuff is sorted and done.

    I find the best way to improve ancient recipes is usually to add vodka.

    At least this chant doesn’t try to rhyme.

    This book is just… I’m not a stranger to romances, but it feels as though it’s trying to be interesting to parts of my mind that simply aren’t there. As if it were trying to draw me in with a detailed description of an ice hockey game. (I’m not even slightly a sports fan.)

  2. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, December 14th, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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