Dogs and Goddesses: Chapter 16

Content note: sex words

When we left off, Chris was showing up and announced, out of the blue, that he and Abby should date.

“You were the virgin, not me,” he said with a distinct lack of tact. “And I don’t want to go on dates. I just figured it was the only way you’d let me near you.”

Run.

He still thinks she’s insane, by the way. She asks if he still hears voices, which he does, and then declares they’re “past the point of dating”. Because mutual inclusion in a supernatural event means skipping right to marriage and babies? What? I don’t… what?

They kiss to the super ominous sounds of thunder. Sex happens (in the kitchen where she makes food that other people eat! Ew!) (Also she thinks Hello Kitty is anime.)

According to Abby, math professors don’t do cunnilingus. Because… I dunno. They just don’t. Whatever. When she climaxes dogs howl because magic I guess. The thunder fades after they finish.

Kae has highlighted the following passage. I don’t know why, but I have faithfully reproduced it here for you:

“Love isn’t supposed to make sense.”

She froze, looking up at him. “Love?”

“What do you think this is? Recreational therapy? I’m a logical man, and I can draw logical conclusions. I’ve never been at the mercy of my biological needs or, even worse, my emotions. And I am now. Totally. And if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.”

Pretty sure it’s an unhealthy obsession bordering on stalking actually.

Kammani is having meetings and crap, bringing followers, still taking Mina’s pills. Her jacket is too small. I have no idea why that’s relevant. Sam breaks the news that very few people died of measles because of vaccination.

Apparently since everyone’s distracted with constant orgasm and mothers and stalkers, Sam’s put together the mystery: Kammani used measles to kill the people of Kamesh, so they stopped worshiping her, leaving her weak and at the mercy of Ishtar. Sam offers to be her sacrifice if she takes him back to Kamesh and undoes the plague, saving his people.

The tight jacket is likely due to weight gain on Paxil, Mina says.

“The pills make me… fat?”

“You just have to lay off the frozen Snickers,” Mina said, dismissing her. “Nobody wants to follow a porko.”

Ugh. So anyway. Moving right along. Kammani doesn’t know how to go back to Kamesh and doesn’t want to find out how because she likes flush toilets and television. Sam, meanwhile, is convinced he belongs here with Shar, and that even if he dies in the past, he’ll rise again in the present for Shar, without Kammani’s help.

Kammani proposes a flood to prove her power. Mina points out she’ll wipe out half the state. Bikka abandoned Kammani for the promise of Cheetos at Abby’s temple/coffeehouse, and Umma mouths off so she’s probably not far behind.

Ray tells Kammani that the relief on the wall is a fake wall covering an old wall or something like that. She decides to fuck him.

Daisy finally decides to confront Noah about their secrets. This is starting to feel more and more like four books in one: Daisy and her Secrets and how they keep her from her True Love; Abby and her Stalker and how she’s deluded into thinking that’s True Love; Shar and the many orgasms; and The Mystery of Kammani, Accidentally Summoned Goddess. The plots just don’t seem to be overlapping at all any more.

Daisy and Noah have one of those stupid movie-fights where nobody seems to be having quite the same conversation and they don’t trust each other for no reason at all and whatever. Noah finally accuses Daisy of being self-centered and making up narratives that put her at the center of events to increase her own self-importance, and she decides that means she’s becoming her mother. Meanwhile, he gives her a banishment spell and storms off.

Mina brings Kammani pictures of the temple/coffeeshop and is ordered to destroy it. Umma abandons Kammani. The chapter ends. I’m getting tired of this book.

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3 Responses to Dogs and Goddesses: Chapter 16

  1. Firedrake says:

    I’m guessing that each author took one of the romance/sex plots, and their collaboration was on the Kammani plot. Too much stuff for one story!

    And there’s that problem not unakin to the Eight Deadly Words: if you don’t bother to establish your character as a likeable good person, I am not going to be rooting for him/her. Lots of authors these days seem to assume that wearing a narrative role with “hero” written on the back is enough to get the reader on your side…

  2. Kaelas says:

    Lol. I highlighted that bit to make absolutely sure you’d notice just how wtf it was. Glad it worked…But yeah, I completely agree with Firedrake- each of the three ‘heros’ were clearly written by someone different.

  3. Pingback: Deconstruction Round Up, November 9th, 2013 | The Slacktiverse

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