Easily amused 14 & 15

Our mysterious intruder turns out to be a tall blond woman — judging by the sneer on her face, it seems se’s his ex. Congrats, Firedrake, for guessing! Ryan calls her “Tanya”, and boy is she pissed.

“Did he order the Primivito and then tell you how beautiful your name is? Does he act like you’re the center of the universe? That’s how it starts, sister, but trust me, that’s not how it ends.”

Yikes. Some serious baggage here. Then again, she may have something worth unpacking:

“He says he’s an international consultant. Ha! I checked with the companies he supposedly works for andnone of them have even heard of him. And his stories about his family? They don’t check out at all. The Jag doesn’t even belong to him– it’s leased. He’s all lies and promises and nothing else.”

If I were Lola, I’d be placing a few phone calls discreetly to check out his story before getting attached. Just saying.

And now Ryan, suave and educated, was somehow connected with this Tanya, whose mental health history was practically written across her forehead.

You know, I’m not very good with PC terminology, but seriously, Lola, shut the fuck up about people who act differently than you being “crazy” and turn some of that cynicism on your date, will you? You just met this guy today, suspected he might be a murderer, but now you trust him?

The alcohol was working its magic– now I saw the dining room through the rosy haze of semi-tipsiness

After only two glasses of wine? Run. Run fast.

‘Watching a good-looking person is such a pleasure.
[…]
I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but he was easy on the corneas and a joy to listen to.

Oh wait, nevermind, I hate you, you’re shallow and hateful. Stay! Let’s see where this goes!

Chapter 15

In chapter 15, Ryan’s car smells nice.

Whoopie.

Thoughtless Lola’s in for a surprise: Hubert is waiting, worried sick, with “Crazy” Myra, Brother Jasper, Belinda, and Ben Cho, who are all very glad to see her unharmed. Lola, on the other hand, is as spiteful as always:

I had a sudden sick feeling that the neighborhood watch committee now met at my house.

Remember that message with the car and license plate info Lola left in case she was abducted? Hubert heard it and assumed she HAD been abducted. Which isn’t surprising, given the content:

“Hi, this is Lola. He’s driving a dark blue car, two doors, I think it’s a Mustang. License plate number MOR-007”

(Seriously? More 007? Wow.)

“He’s about six food two, with dark hair and brown eyes. He said his name was Ryan.”

Piper, who is apparently not very useful in a crisis, had no idea where Lola was, which is friggan weird given she sent Ryan to her place and the message matches his description.

“I thought something terrible happened. I thought you were <i>dead</i>.” His voice reminded me of my mother at her most irrational.

GEE, IF THIS IS HOW YOU BEHAVE, I WONDER WHY YOUR MOTHER IS “IRRATIONAL”.

I just don’t even have words. Not at all.

What was Hubert thinking, letting them all in? And why had he gone so berserk? I knew my message on the answering machine sounded odd, but really — the police?

Fuck you, Lola Watson. I really don’t think this woman is capable of empathy.

Oh hey, we get a physical description of Lola:

“Lola Jane Watson, Height 5’5″, Weight 118 pounds, brown hair, hazel eyes,” in Hubert’s handwriting. [..] I was touched by his concern. I was also touched by the fact that he gave me an extra inch and lopped off twelve pounds.

5’4 and 120… She’s skinny. When I was in high school I was 5’4 and 150, and that’s the skinniest I’ve ever been. I also have brownish hair and brown eyes. I don’t like any of these facts right now.

So she’s annoyed as hell that he called the police, called the neighborhood watch, and worried, but she’s oddly touched that he wrote up a physical description to give the cops. What.

Apparently she met Hubert when he saved her from bullies in middle school. He had a switchblade. Also she can’t sleep with him mad at her. I really can’t take any more corny romance bullshit right now, not when she’s so… so… infuriating.

“It didn’t help that you came waltzing in from your date with a buzz on, not even caring how I felt.”
“I do care. I just–”
“I couldn’t bear if anything happened to you, Lola.”
“You mean, because of Kelly.”
[…]”What would Kelly have to do with it?”

She’s not even making sense anymore.

It turns out, Hubert hasn’t called in months because Kelly hates Lola “for some reason”. As if it’s hard to find reasons to hate her. But they’re still friends! He just can’t call when his controlling girlfriend is feeling jealous.

Blah blah, Lola likes Hubert’s mom, but feels like she can’t drop by without Hubert because that’d be weird. Hubert expresses curiosity about this Moriarty guy.

“He’s a client of Mike’s firm? What are they having, some kind of deal — invest with us and get a date?”

It sounded like a joke, but there was something underneath the kidding. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

As if we needed more proof, here Hubert, being Man, gets irrationally jealous of Lola’s dates, because that’s how men show their affection.  Lola, being Woman, has no idea what’s going on in his head, because we silly girlfolk are incapable of understanding the depth of true Manly feelings.

Lola arranges a deal: Hubert forgives her for one night of irrational, selfish, thoughtless behavior, and she forgives him for months of neglect due to his controlling girlfriend. I can’t decide which side is getting a raw deal here, but they agree to make up.

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6 Responses to Easily amused 14 & 15

  1. Firedrake says:

    I claim no special credit; I just thought of what would be the biggest cliché…

    OK, so: butting in on people having an evening out: minus. Getting het up about it: minus. But that doesn’t mean Tanya doesn’t have true things to say. It’s at least worth looking into…

    Tipsy after two glasses? Either she’s a lightweight (which some people are, fair enough, but then why did she drink so much) or she’s being drugged.

    I did once see a car with the custom plate “M15 GUY”. Um, no.

    If this is following the standard romance track, Hubert is irrationally jealous of Lola not because he’s generic man but because he’s in love with her and hasn’t yet realised it.

    • yamikuronue says:

      “If this is following the standard romance track, Hubert is irrationally jealous of Lola not because he’s generic man but because he’s in love with her and hasn’t yet realized it.”

      What I was trying to mock was the idea that all men react in a very specific way to being secretly in love, while women act differently. Pretty much every man in a love story who is secretly in love with a woman illustrates this through irrational jealousy.

  2. Jarred H says:

    Tipsy after two glasses? Either she’s a lightweight (which some people are, fair enough, but then why did she drink so much)

    In fairness, some of us have rather variable alcohol tolerances. The same number of drinks will leave me feeling fine one time and tipsy the next. Granted, I tend to drink cocktails where the amount of alcohol can also vary based on who’s making them too…..but even so, it’s pretty obvious to me that the same amount of alcohol affects me differently depending on various other factors.

    • Firedrake says:

      Fair enough – I very rarely get drunker than I meant to, but I do have a fair bit of experience drinking. And yes, yamikuronue, I agree – it’s all a very rigid set of moves that have to be made.

    • smilodon says:

      Two glasses of wine on an empty stomach would get me tipsy. I have a policy not to get drunk with people I don’t trust, though, so if I knew I was hungry and I thought my date might murder me I’d take it easy.

  3. Jarred H says:

    You know, I’m not very good with PC terminology, but seriously, Lola, shut the fuck up about people who act differently than you being “crazy” and turn some of that cynicism on your date, will you? You just met this guy today, suspected he might be a murderer, but now you trust him?

    How much of this is the “women must view other women as competition and therefore hate and mistrust them” cliche/stereotype?

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