Easily Amused Chapter 2: Cupcakes.

The evening didn’t go as planned.

Because someone shot you in the face?

At ten o’cloc, right in the middle of a dart game, Piper’s cell phone rang.

And while she was distracted, someone shot you in the face?

Even above the din of the bar I could hear Brandon’s cry, an ugly howl, the kind that leads to a red face and snotty nose.

Brandon is a TODDLER. You’re bitching at a toddler. For being a toddler. That’s a new low.

“Brandon is going through this thing where he won’t go to bed for anyone but me, and he’s crying himself into hysteria. You understand, right?” She met my eyes, and I nodded. I understood all right.

Wait! Is that… is that Lola being a decent human being? I flipped the page.

What I understood was that Mike was a complete imbecile. How was it he could manage other people’s vast fortunes but couldn’t put a one-year-old to bed? How hard could it be? He outweighed the kid by a hundred and sixty pounds.

…………….

I don’t want to read this book anymore.

Dear lord. Lola is a horrible horrible person. I need a cupcake.

hey look, scenery!

the neat lawns, mature trees, and elegant older homes. Each house was two stories tall and most were brick, but no two were the same. Belinda had the only contemporary house on the block; southwestern in style, it also had the only attached garage. The garage had a lfat roof, and in the evening she often let her dogs exit a bedroom window onto the top. Two of them, a little ankle-nipper

lalala I can’t hear your insults over the sound of this delicious cupcake

she called Baxter, and a larger husky mix whose name eluded me, were up there now. […]

Next to Beinda’s house was a duplex rented out to college students. Out for the night, judging from the dark and silence.

Or maybe just at a bar getting shitty at their friends about their babies.

The next one, Crazy Myra’s house, was just as still. She was known as an early riser.

So the college kids can’t be sleeping? Myra can’t be out for the night? Mm strawberry cupcake.

The house across the street from Crazy Myra’s

oh my god call her that ONE MORE TIME I fucking DARE you. Cupcake. Tasty cupcake. Must focus on cupcake.

belonged to the mystery man.

oh for Christ’s sake, how cliche.

“He says he’s a consultant,” Belinda [had] said, […] “But no one can quite figure out what it is he does, exactly. And get this,” she [had] said, leaning in closer, “he never puts out garbage.”

“Never?” Even I found that curious.

“Not once in the two years he’s lived here.”

Ooh! Is he a vampire? Can this be a vampire story? Can he eat her?

Mystery Man’s home is dark, and Brother Jasper smokes.

Just ahead, my porch light beamed […]. Inside, the dining room light shone brightly. I’d never realized how much of the room could be seen from the sidewalk when the drapes were open.

Except.

I stopped, puzzled. I hadn’t left the dining room light on. And I certainly hadn’t left the drapes wide open.

Rules out vampires — they need permission to enter. A serial killer perhaps? A werewolf? Hubert?

Lola, saturated in an understandable and realistic fear, goes to Brother Jasper. Good move, that — get someone else to come in with you instead of going into what might be a bad situation alone. Jasper goes one further and suggests calling the police.

“Do you think they’d come?” […]

“Of course they’ll come, Lola. That’s what they do.”

Oh, to be upper-class and (mostly?) white.

Three asterisks, matching the three empty cupcake wrappers on my table. I’m going to stop here for the night.

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6 Responses to Easily Amused Chapter 2: Cupcakes.

  1. Brin says:


    Even above the din of the bar I could hear Brandon’s cry, an ugly howl, the kind that leads to a red face and snotty nose.

    Brandon is a TODDLER. You’re bitching at a toddler. For being a toddler. That’s a new low.

    I don’t know, seems like a reasonable enough thought to me. If she said it out loud, that would be a new low.


    How hard could it be? He outweighed the kid by a hundred and sixty pounds.

    Now this just doesn’t make sense.

    lalala I can’t hear your insults over the sound of this delicious cupcake

    What do you mean, cupcakes don’t make sound? Of course they do. The sound of deliciousness. (Oh wait, that’s your line, and I’m supposed to say “But cupcakes don’t make sound!” to prompt it. *shrug* Close enough.)

  2. Jarred H says:

    @Brin: I might agree with you that Lola’s thought about Brandon could be reasonable if she hadn’t complained, criticized, and cut down every person she’s introduced ourselves to this point. But at this point, Lola has saturated herself in so much petty negativity that even thoughts I might find understandable from other people do not deserve a pass when coming from her, at least not to my mind.

  3. Daughter says:

    I haven’t visited your blog in a while, so I’m just catching up. Question about your first post: why do you say Lola lives in the suburbs? The reasons you give–people live in houses, neighbors know each other, she’s a half hour from downtown–can all be true of city living as well. I’ve experienced all of the above while living in three different major U.S. cities. And the diversity makes it more likely to be in the city than the suburbs.

    • yamikuronue says:

      I got the impression it was in the suburbs because to me, a city doesn’t have much in the way of houses unless you’re really really super-rich. But that’s probably because I grew up near San Francisco and her neighborhood reminds me of a lot of the smaller cities nearby that could be considered suburban. But you make a valid point, she could live in a city.

  4. jenl1625 says:

    So, is Lola who Bella Swan might have grown up to be if she’d, you know, lived to grow up?

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